Lyric Joining The Cult
[Sounds of Basketball being shot around]
[Sandler:] "Hey man, I m joining a religious cult."
[Allen:] "Now, that s ridiculous."
[Sandler:] "Well, I m joining it, so you gotta sign up too."
[Allen:] "What are you talking about?"
[Sandler:] "Hey, don t fuck me on this, man, just sign up."
[Allen:] "No, I m not going to join a cult!"
[Sandler:] "I can t believe you re pulling this shit on me after Monday night --"
[Allen:] "What?
[Sandler:] "-- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football
and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show --
I did that for you!"
[Allen:] "Yeah, well, you kept flippin back to the game."
[Sandler:] "I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN SCORE!
Whadda you gotta do that s so fucking importnat you can t join the religious cult with me?"
[Allen:] "Well, I was gonna go sunbathing."
[Sandler:] "Oh, boy, no no, I don t think you should do that.
Because this guy, Russell -- he s the leader-guy of the cult --"
[Allen:] "-- yeah --"
[Sandler:] "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches
about the sun being bad, like the beast can t come out
because the sun s too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something --
you show up all sunburned and that guy s gonna get pissed at you and me!"
[Allen:] "Well, I m not in the cult, so I don t have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!"
[Sandler:] "Look, I m -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy s been saying --
some of it makes a lot of sense!
[Allen:] "Well, good, but I don t want to join the cult.
We can still hang out; I just won t be in it with you."
[Sandler:] "The point is, I m not gonna have time to hang out with you because I m gonna be fuckin busy with this fuckin cult!"
[Allen:] "So I ll visit on weekends -- we ll work it out."
[Sandler:] "No, the weekends are like the busiest time --
that s when we go to flea malls and fuckin malls and talk people into joining, man!"
[Allen:] "Can I join for just a little while?
I told my dad I d go visit him in Florida in three weeks."
[Sandler:] "Well, just, we ll ask then, but we gotta join now."
[Allen:] "What s the hurry?"
[Sandler:] "There s a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck s your problem?"
[Allen:] "Well, I mean I don t really have to believe in this stuff, do I?"
[Sandler:] "No, no, just fuckin tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go,
"Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin hate it too, long live the fuckin beast."
[Allen:] "I don t know, man. This is crazy."
[Sandler:] "Look, they re gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you re gonna get food --"
[Allen:] "-- it s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?"
[Sandler:] "It s gonna be a haircut, all right?
You said you need a haircut, they re gonna fuckin cut your hair.
You re going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin do it!"
[Allen:] "Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?"
[Sandler:] "Yeah, sure, and if she doesn t, she ll go out and recruit one for you!"
[Allen:] "Well, all right. But, hey, if I don t like it, I m going to escape, man."
[Sandler:] "OK, that s up to you."
[Three weeks later!]
[Chanting repeatedly] "The night time is the right time!
The night time is the right time!"
[Sandler:] "Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?"
[Allen:] "Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you."
[Sandler:] "You re not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?"
[Allen:] "You know, it s like they said. It was the only way to save him."
[Sandler:] "You re a good guy."
[Allen:] "You re a better one."
[Chanting resumes]
[Sandler:] "Hey man, I m joining a religious cult."
[Allen:] "Now, that s ridiculous."
[Sandler:] "Well, I m joining it, so you gotta sign up too."
[Allen:] "What are you talking about?"
[Sandler:] "Hey, don t fuck me on this, man, just sign up."
[Allen:] "No, I m not going to join a cult!"
[Sandler:] "I can t believe you re pulling this shit on me after Monday night --"
[Allen:] "What?
[Sandler:] "-- I wanted to watch Monday Night Football
and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show --
I did that for you!"
[Allen:] "Yeah, well, you kept flippin back to the game."
[Sandler:] "I WANTED TO SEE THE FUCKIN SCORE!
Whadda you gotta do that s so fucking importnat you can t join the religious cult with me?"
[Allen:] "Well, I was gonna go sunbathing."
[Sandler:] "Oh, boy, no no, I don t think you should do that.
Because this guy, Russell -- he s the leader-guy of the cult --"
[Allen:] "-- yeah --"
[Sandler:] "-- he was rambling on during one of the speeches
about the sun being bad, like the beast can t come out
because the sun s too bright and the sun hurts his eyes or something --
you show up all sunburned and that guy s gonna get pissed at you and me!"
[Allen:] "Well, I m not in the cult, so I don t have to worry about pissing the leader guy off!"
[Sandler:] "Look, I m -- starting to believe in some of the stuff the cult guy s been saying --
some of it makes a lot of sense!
[Allen:] "Well, good, but I don t want to join the cult.
We can still hang out; I just won t be in it with you."
[Sandler:] "The point is, I m not gonna have time to hang out with you because I m gonna be fuckin busy with this fuckin cult!"
[Allen:] "So I ll visit on weekends -- we ll work it out."
[Sandler:] "No, the weekends are like the busiest time --
that s when we go to flea malls and fuckin malls and talk people into joining, man!"
[Allen:] "Can I join for just a little while?
I told my dad I d go visit him in Florida in three weeks."
[Sandler:] "Well, just, we ll ask then, but we gotta join now."
[Allen:] "What s the hurry?"
[Sandler:] "There s a girl I wanna meet there, what the fuck s your problem?"
[Allen:] "Well, I mean I don t really have to believe in this stuff, do I?"
[Sandler:] "No, no, just fuckin tell everybody you believe in this shit -- when they say the sun sucks, go,
"Yeah, fuck the sun, I fuckin hate it too, long live the fuckin beast."
[Allen:] "I don t know, man. This is crazy."
[Sandler:] "Look, they re gonna give you clothers, a free haircut, you re gonna get food --"
[Allen:] "-- it s not gonna be one of those weird haircuts, is it?"
[Sandler:] "It s gonna be a haircut, all right?
You said you need a haircut, they re gonna fuckin cut your hair.
You re going in, saving twelve bucks, just fuckin do it!"
[Allen:] "Do you think the hot girl has a friend for me?"
[Sandler:] "Yeah, sure, and if she doesn t, she ll go out and recruit one for you!"
[Allen:] "Well, all right. But, hey, if I don t like it, I m going to escape, man."
[Sandler:] "OK, that s up to you."
[Three weeks later!]
[Chanting repeatedly] "The night time is the right time!
The night time is the right time!"
[Sandler:] "Hey buddy, are you glad you did this?"
[Allen:] "Oh, this is the best thing I ever did. Thank you."
[Sandler:] "You re not mad at them making you, uh, kill your father, are you?"
[Allen:] "You know, it s like they said. It was the only way to save him."
[Sandler:] "You re a good guy."
[Allen:] "You re a better one."
[Chanting resumes]
