Lyric Amish Paradise

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she s very plain
But that s just perfect for an Amish like me
You know I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I m milkin cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I ve been milkin and plowin so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I m a man of the land, I m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we re gonna party like it s 1699
We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I ve churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It s hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at a discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and I turned the other cheek
I really don t care, in fact I wish him well
Cause I ll be laughing my head off when he s burning in Hell
But I ain t never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a tude?
You know that s unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree
I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you ll be bored to tears
We haven t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain t really quaint, so please don t point and stare
We re just technologically impaired

There s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Caruso
It s as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We re just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish Paradise
There s no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish Paradise
We don t fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish Paradise

Hitchin up the buggy, churnin lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I ll raise anutter
Think you re really righteous?
Think you re pure in heart?
Well, I know I m a million time as humble as thou art
I m the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin points for the afterlife
So don t be vain and don t be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish Paradise
We re all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish Paradise
There s no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish Paradise
But you d probably think it bites
Living in an Amish Paradise

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-yecch!